sabotage

It seems that my whole life I have some how sabotaged my success regarding my physical, emotional, and romantic health.  I think maybe I predict my failure in these areas of my life and therefore some how, some way subconsciously or consciously do things to prohibit my even "going there" so that I don't get disappointed or hurt by someone other than myself.....wow, I should have put my rubber barn boots on for that long and poopy statement of self!!!  ;-)

I seem to be a master at self sabotage.  So!  I'm trying to turn that "strength" into a positive.  I am setting myself up for my greater good by enlisting in opportunities that make my actions, or lack of them, directly impact others also.  See how tricky I can be to myself!  Case in point, I have been accepted to participate in a case study through University Medical Center regarding premenapausal women and exercise.  I even agreed to have my blood taken every 6 wks to be a part of this study that will force me to do 1 hour of exercise with a group of other like bodied women three times a week and for those of you who know about me and bloodletting, well, you KNOW how big that is!

I start on Monday and while I have let myself down so many times when it comes to taking care of my own health (physical, emotional, etc.) that I can't seem to get excited about the possibility of my losing weight through this program at least I feel better knowing I can't back out and it WILL happen!  I've also joined a local group called The Transition Club that is a group of like bodied folks who get together once a week to give each other pep talks and emotional support.  I feel now a responsibility to go to the meetings since I have committed to someone other than myself to do so.   I think eventually both my mindset and my body will begin to recognize changes that occur due to these committments to others that I am making.        

See, there can be a positive side to self sabotage and I'm here to document every falter backward and every step foward!